Many poets, writers and philosophers ( even those who are madly submerged in love) have written that love is not a give and take relationship, it is not a business transaction, but it is something that just happens. But today, we see our society has institutionalized love, just like marriage. While I agree that marriage is a necessary practice or custom for a civilized society to organize and live in harmony together, but unfortunately, love is something which has been defined by this society in a certain way. For ex: we see the enormous influence of religion on marriages and love. A guy belonging to a certain religion cannot marry a girl belonging to a certain religion, and vice versa. This is a perfect example of institutionalizing love. Love is something which just happens, and cannot be explained logically ( no scientist has been able to decipher why a certain guy loves a specific girl more than others).
Now, if such barriers of religion, caste, color, social status are applied to this beautiful relationship, there is no way that love will endure between them. I always felt that such an institutionalization of love is nothing but an uncomfortable adjustment, which never makes couples/partners happy and satisfied in their married lives. I find it impossible to comprehend the fact that people fall in love with only a specific group of people, who are just like them, who eat the same food, have the same social status, education, job, wear similar clothes, speak the same language etc. Of Course, there is nothing wrong for someone to stay and be comfortable around like minded people, culture,or religion. But this barrier is something which does not work in today’s life.
Because decades before, the world was separated physically, and people lived independently without even coming into much contact with each other. Today, on the contrary, the world is flat, connected, inter-dependent and a global hub. Someone in India has to collaborate with an American, who then has to work with a German or a Japanese on the same project/work. And so, as the world is coming into daily contact with different people of different color, race, gender, religion, caste, it is simply unavoidable to like or fall in love with someone who is not like us. An African guy would like an Italian girl, or an Indian girl might fall in love with a Filipino guy, etc… If we apply the centuries old rules of institutionalizing love and relationships, that ain’t gonna work now. It will be an absurd adjustment which has no justification.
Rather, the society should become open to accept that people are going to like what they want, and no longer society can impose its rules on it. In India, where I currently live, things have become so institutionalized, that new rules are popping up to stop these inter-marriages, and due to which, people are fearing to even talk or respond to someone, who is of different religion or community. Even in high profile elite circles, we see people marrying amongst their own elite group. The richest Indian businesses are family owned, and they are zealous enough to keep their elite lineage and wealth within their own group, to preserve the control and wealth. Even Bollywood and cricket ( another two careers to become rich and enter the elite status in India) are no exception. The bollywood families are not only notoriously famous for nepotism, but also for inter-marriages among themselves. And now, with the fame and wealth attained by cricketers, bollywood personalities are marrying cricketers ( Virat Kohli and Anushka Sharma, Yuvraj Singh and Hazel Keech, Hardik Pandya and Natasa Stankovic are some famous examples)
So, with the ever growing trend of arranged marriages, groupism, elite marriages as a way to keep power and wealth within the family etc, slowly people are forgetting how to love or even what is actually love! Gone are the days, when a Hindu girl from a conservative Brahmin family ( Gauri Chibber) dared to fall in love with a Muslim guy, who was an orphan, and struggling actor ( Shahrukh Khan). On the other side, we see a Muslim woman ( Fatima Ghadially) married a Hindu Brahmin cricketer (Ajit Agarkar). Both of them have been successful marriages. Gone are the days when a girl from a rich family, and who is studying medicine ( Anjali Mehta) could fall in love with a shy, simple cricketer ( Sachin Tendulkar) after seeing him at the airport, and in spite of being five years senior to Sachin. Gone are the days when a Muslim actor ( Naseeruddin Shah) can dare to marry a Hindu actress ( Ratna Pathak Shah) and not be charged under any law. Both happily continued to practice their respective religions. Gone are the days when an urban princess can fall for a guy who lived in a poor chawl (house). She married him and moved out of her palace to live with her husband in that poor chawl. Later, that guy became known as Jackie Shroff, and that brave woman is Ayesha Shroff. Can this happen in today’s world? I don’t see this happening anywhere. It is worth noting that even the legendary singer Asha Bhosle ( from the elite family of Lata Mangeshkar) had eloped with a rickshaw driver (Ganpatrao Bhosle), when she was barely 16!
I can give countless brave examples of such open-minded and inter-faith, inter-social status relationships which have happened in the past. But this rarely happens today. This has nothing to do with any particular government in power, but it is the mentality of our society which has changed to a large extent. So, the real problem I find is we have become immune to accepting diversity. It is as if we all are been consciously vaccinated by society and its rules to never break the rules, to never accept diversity, to stay within our own community, caste, religion etc. This institutionalization has led to deprivation of love and harmony among us. We live in fear with each other. We talk with other people like having a business transaction. We think before falling in love. We fear what people will say if we like someone who is not like us. This suppression of our freedom is like a virus which inhibits us to love whomever we want, to become whatever we like, or even to come out with our own identity ( be it straight, gay, lesbian or trans). We need to accept diversity of thoughts, identities, and even diversity in loving. Because as it is said, love has no barriers, it just happens. So, we should let it happen freely, this is the test of love…..