In life, it is never easy to find true love. Everyone understands this at some point in life. When we are teenagers in school or young adults in college, our thoughts and ideas are often influenced by external world. We start constructing an ideal image of a guy or a girl based on movies we watch, or some character from a favorite TV series. At that tender age, we being young, start assuming that we have lot of time to find a genuine partner. So, most of us just limit ourselves to short relationships, or even a no strings attached kind of relationships. But all this is never accepted by society and neither by life itself.
Because, life is not something to be taken for granted. Similarly, finding a partner is also which needs to be given due attention. And this is where most of us fail, including me. We are told by our parents, or family to concentrate on our education, career and get settled. Then we can look for a suitable partner. But in today’s age, when our education often includes not only a 4 year degree, but also going to grad school ( or post-graduation). Be it working in Tech, or becoming a surgeon, or even working for an investment bank, every profession needs masters degree, or atleast a higher education with credible experience. All this takes quite a number of years, which often gets extended to mid 20’s or even late 20’s.
Now, once a man or woman reaches his/her late 20’s, and if they haven’t seriously thought about relationships, or even finding the right partner before, then it becomes quite a difficult ballgame. I have seen quite a few of friends struggling to find a partner in their early 30’s as well. This is because they have been either too pre-occupied with their education or career, or they have been involved only in short term relationships, which is not a very enabling experience. My story isn’t very different from this. And having seen friend’s situations and experienced myself, I often think whether there is any real need for us to avoid finding the partner just for the sake of career or even for an obsession to find the right partner at the right time?
Because, career is not something which ends after a couple years of experience. We cannot say we know everything in the field of work with only a handful years of working. In career, we never get settled, as today, technology is continuously evolving. There is no beginning or end of career, learning, or working. Unlike few decades ago, when everything was laid back, it was expected to complete education by a certain age, and then with couple years of experience, people used to become proficient or in other words ‘settled’ in their career. So, after that, family used to make arrangements for a suitable partner for him/her, and life moved on. But now, this no longer exists. No one can agree that they are comfortably settled in their job or career with a few years of work experience.
And further, due to social media, internet, movies and OTT media, life is filled with options to explore, know, learn and move ahead. Similarly, in relationships, no one gets settled down for the first choice. We all think we ll find an even better one, because we have options. We compare with our real friends, our social media friends, soap opera actors and actresses. We dream of a perfect partner, and a perfect life. But unfortunately, this rarely happens! While we are busy dreaming about the fantasy life filled with richness and a perfect partner, we often miss the right one in front us. He/She might be in our extended friends circle, or music class, or even living across the street. But we often overlook the ones nearest to us.
They could have become our high school or college sweetheart!. But in this endless game to make a career, get settled down, or under the false impression to keep looking for the right one with an over inflated expectations, we often ignore or turn down the right ones, foolishly! Then after a while, it becomes very late in life and few of us give in to the family pressure to get settled down with the parents choice ( as it happens in India!). But then later, do they realize that they are not compatible with each other, and it opens a whole new arena of problems, fights, quarrels, which leads to divorce at the end.
I know there is no perfect answer for this, and this blog post is only an expression of my views on this subject. But I do sincerely feel this has a lot to do with our over inflated expectations about the partner( maybe like Mr and Mrs. Smith couple Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, but unfortunately they are also divorced!), our pre-occupation with career, getting rich and getting settled down, or even a string of short term relationships, due to lack of mutual trust between each other, or a no string attached, ‘friends with benefits’ driven mindset between the partners, none of which gives a long lasting, genuine relationship.
Hence, maybe my generation which is obsessed with the social media and virtual world, needs to think and understand that finding true love or a soulmate cannot be done by any algorithm, or using artificial intelligence. A true relationship does not have any checklist which states to have a certain education, or career to qualify for an enduring relation. Love simply just happens, and to know this is the first step.
Stay tuned for the next post…..