Poking nose in our affairs!

Why Indian relatives, neighbors or few friends like to poke their noses in other’s people’s personal life.

I have always wondered why our family/relatives love to interfere in other people’s affairs? Why don’t they mind their own business? Being an Indian and having lived abroad as well, I guess this is more so seen in Indian families. Nothing to be proud of, though!

Yes, Indian relatives can be really irritating. Like recently I watched “Never Have I ever” and Devi illustrated the definition of “Aunties” as being a specific group who are allowed to have opinions about our life and our shortcomings! In other words, they simply poke their nose in other people’s affairs. Just to clarify, this is no way resembles only a specific gender, or community, but is widely seen to be a characteristic of Indian genes!

Now the question is why don’t we Indians mind our own business? Like sarcastically, most Indians in real life hardly do any business, and so maybe we like to interfere in other’s business! Anyways, jokes apart, but this is a real fact that Indians often get bombarded by questions on their personal life from their relatives or even neighbors to quite a large extent. Like, for a school going boy or girl, the obvious questions are how much marks did they score in exams, or even practice tests! Who is coming first in class, and why he/she failed in so and so exam? Why the heck are they concerned of other kids exams or performance?

Similarly, the relatives love to add fuel to fire by asking about any on going love affairs for a college going guy, or when is he/she going to start a job? Or if they are working, then how much are they earning? Then, even if in a rare case, all the above questions are diligently answered, but their appetite for curiosity doesn’t stop there. It continues with when is he/she going to get married? When are they going to have kids? and it goes on and on and on….

This is the only problem in Indian society, which is not restricted to any community, or caste, or religion or state. Its universal! I wonder why the relatives are so much interested in others affairs. I mean seriously, what are they gonna get by asking such stupid questions? Why does it matter if someone is dating, or not working, or not marrying. Its their individual problem and as long as its not directly related to whoever is concerned, I guess the relatives or neighbors should learn the basic decency to stay away from other’s affairs. Because this is not only highly unproductive and time wasting, but also leads to increase in frustation or worries for those who are being tormented with these forceful pressure to answer such senseless questions.

As far as I know, the western society is far more mature and advanced, when it comes to interfering in other people’s affairs. I have never seen anyone asking about grades, or job status, or about relationships to me, and neither to each other publicly. Ofcourse, such conversation do happen between parents and children, or between people who are in serious relationships. But still, their relatives or neighbors never ever ask such questions. I did not even knew who my neighbor was when I was living in the States. I just saw them few times, but apart from occasional hello’s or exchanging smiles, no conversation happened. While on the other side, in India, even the family living two floors above me keep on asking what am I doing. Those relatives with whom I never talked in the past 5 years, suddenly start asking about my personal life. This is preposterous!

I am not saying that Indian society should start following like western society. This ain’t gonna happen anytime soon. But the underlying fact is that there has been a huge change in generation in Indian society. My generation ( Millennial) who are born in 90’s or early 2000’s, who grew up in a country which was liberalized in 1991, who spend time on western created social media, and love to watch Hollywood movies and TV series, and some of us who are even educated abroad, have been tremendously influenced by some western concepts like individual freedom, having personal space or privacy, and with a tendency to stay busy in something, be it work, surfing internet, watching netflix or playing video games. We find asking questions about others life, unless it matters to us, to be a violation of personal right of freedom. Hence, we abhor to intrude in other people’s personal life.

But the relatives are one or two generation older to us, and they were brought up in society dominated by socialism, patriarchy and centuries old religious propaganda. Their life or career choices were limited ( for which I feel sorry for them), they had a difficult upbringing, often in strict conditions, bound by family virtues or so called family prestige. Also, they did not have many options to spend their time like social media, Netflix, internet or video games. All they could do was either reading, listening to radio or gossiping. I guess the gossip part was the easiest and entertaining, due to huge population and dense neighborhoods. Even privacy was something of a luxury for them. The walls seemed to have ears, and everyone knew or wanted to know about other’s life. That’s why asking questions about other’s personal lives, or giving free advice became kind of la coutume.

But now our generation being different, and with the world changing so rapidly, I think its time that relatives, neighbors or friends understand this, and learn to accept other’s personal space. There is already a lot to worry about, as life has become more complicated then ever. Our generation is going through a lot of uncertainties in life, be it job security, or relationship issues, which inadvertently makes us stressed out and concerned about future. Adding the incessant bombardment of gossips, or questions from relatives is simply unbearable!

Atleast, I have decided to listen to my favorite scientist advice, which is

Richard Feynman

Author: Abhi

Hello, this is Abhishek. I am an Electrical Engineer by education, and worked for an Energy Management company in Atlanta, USA. After staying for 5 years in United States, I have moved back to my country, India. Besides work, I am a bibliophile and enjoys reading about history, current affairs, and biographies. I practice ‘Sudarshan Kriya Yoga‘ meditation and volunteer for a NGO, Art of Living. I am a vegetarian, and also a fitness enthusiast. I intend to work for spreading awareness about Cancer. Finally, I enjoy writing and I hope to integrate this interest into my career with more experience. Please like, share and subscribe to my blog. Thank you for visiting!

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